Still waters

Still I know I am happy and complete even though I cried a while ago realizing that I have fallen in love but will never be able to show that love to him. It is sad that he just passed by like Norman did. He had struck my heart and ran over my mind. Maybe he is "the ONE who got away" after all. Or maybe someone who I almost have --ALMOST-- but not really...

Everything will be understood as "you are probably not meant for each other" or better said " you're really not meant to be".

At thirty-five, love is still high school -simply falling in love. Those are the happy heavenly, dreamy moments. Life is so hopeful, each day with every smiles and glance at him.

If the last days of 2011 will be the last days of the world, I would still want to spend an out of the country trip bonding with my family. I still wanted that one hundred thousand and donate to the lolos and lolas in Boystown. And last, but not the least, fall in love again and this time with someone who is also head over heels in love with me. But this I cannot firmly say if I should want him still or someone new. God knows my desire and life is the best if HE leads...

Photo: Taken in the waters of Odiongan, Tablas island of Romblon

Too short Sunday*

too short Sunday for me. talk about the climb with mom and dad over lunch. short nap. mass and dinner with family. quick grocery. fb. 2hrs music rehearsal review. the delight of it all is a short time sitting on the garage sofa and reading an article in panorama - how not to overcomplicate Happiness-

when life is spent and all added up, these are the memories that still warms my heart:
-my childhood friends and moments together
-family movie time
-girls talk over the phone with a close friend
- my nanay inggay's arros valenciana
-riding in car with aris or aj
-new arrangement at home
-well cooked dinner
-family reunions
-a piano piece played well
-a fair weather
-solitary time in the morning
etc,etc. Looking forward on more simple marvels of my life...

*Sunday was Sept 11, 2011

sunshine even on a cloudy day

It was great to finished on something you thought you'll never make it. I joined a trek just a month ago with my colleagues in the highest mountain of Cavite province overseeing the Batangas waters and land as well. Unfortunately that time, the sun didn't make it to outshine the fluffy clouds.But really, when I'm finally on top of the mountain, it was an amazement to everything I saw and felt. The wind brushed my cold cheeks. Rare insects flew around. The nature smelled more than a fresh lemon grass. Everything I could not describe because simply I cannot find the right words.

I cannot also find the right words to describe how I have been for the past 4 months. God indeed answered one of my prayers. And the answered prayer begets another prayer. A desperate prayer. It is not being not contented for what was laid now but the incompleteness and unclear of desires I have raised to my God. So it is true to be specific on prayers.
Now my prayers are detailed but it is a prayer in advance to a claimed prayer. I think I have demanded and preempted the answers already...

Whatever it is right now, I am so deeply thankful. Embracing each moment and shaking off gloominess. Lifting frustrations to the Almighty. Trusting in His slow work while I soar high above the heavy clouds. Waiting is not going to be long...

Photo: Rock formation called 'Parrot's beak' seen at the peak of Pico de Loro taken Sept 3, 2011

No picture

I haven't fix my digi cam yet. I haven't took pictures for a long time, missing to capture great moments with family and friends. Their smiles and laughs, and some circumstances that you really wanted to tag to remember. Though, photographs are all over in FB, I would really wanted to have my own shots...
Anyway, the end of the first semester is coming. What have had been with my life?? I have finished paying my unit's down payment, and now trying to pay some of my bills. It was a great timing then that I have now money to pay for my root canal procedure. Unfortunately I had an impacted tooth that started aching since the holy week.
Good thing, it isn't really bothersome. I was still able to cope up with the busy work, handling a troublesome project, peculiar work mates but a nice boss.
I was able to get a tan from a long trip to Bolinao last month and the day after, I met a long time balik bayan friend. It was just recently that my friend got married.
Though I have missed music rehearsals, I am happy to take care of my new care group. It was a perfect time that they gave me this responsibility.
And being at home had totally changed :) it was great to have my mom around.
I am so grateful for all of these... even though there are no pictures, no vivid details, it was however etched in my heart that will truly be kept for a lifetime.

A toothache and a swollen ice over the holy week. I didn't made plans for this very holy week. It's not the first time, though I remembered few years ago, I would be out of town, probably on a friend's home town or on a beach. The last time I asked out, a colleague disagreed to have a good time during the holy days. It should have been a time to meditate and observe Lenten season. Pity me, I was that kind of person. Anyway, as years progressed being in a catholic community and nourished by empowering talks and doctrines, indeed I have learned the significance of the lent. Starting on Ash Wednesday, I have myself a guide to spent the lent. However due to busyness in work and some other secular activities, I missed my guide and have actually missed a confession. My fasting on unimportant things in my life was forgotten. And my plan to at least pray on Thursday or Friday didn't happen.
Things for lent didn't happen the way I planned to be, but one afternoon, I have realized that in every activities I made this holy week was a hidden message God would want me to meditate.
The book I'm reading Restless Hearts connotes a verse from Romans 8:28 before the First Chapter. It was written: 'And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose'.
The book talks about an Amish community, where Amish are religious people who lives simply and reluctant to adapt the modern life. They don't have insurances and no lawyers to protect them because they believe that everything is in God's hand.
I watched two movies - 'Seasons of the Witch' and 'Faster'. The first centered on God's power over evil. Our weaknesses should be lifted to God alone or else evil will dwell on it. The second movie imparted forgiveness, though there's only a few part where God was brought up, but the person who have changed and followed Jesus Christ was saved from being murdered.
******************* Drafted april, published today